Bryan took this idea to the next logical extreme: Kitsappalachia Man. Kitsappalachia is what the trolls on the Kitsap Sun forums can Kitsap when they are talking about how redneck it is here. Also from the Sun forums are various slurs for overweight women from the different towns in the county. There are Bremelos from Bremerton. Portapotomus from Port Orchard. Belefants from Belfair. Silverdale girlilas from Silverdale. All of these terms would be included in Kitsappalachia Man.
Kitsappalachia Man would fly through different levels based on each town, saving Bremelos from "squids", Portapotomus from hicks, Belefants from meth heads, and Silverdale Girlilas from mall walkers. I'm sure it will be a huge success once we put it all together.
I have a tendency to throw my phone around because it freaks out all my coworkers who have extremely fragile smart phones. It is an antiquated flip phone that I have glued googly eyes to. A few days ago I threw it, shouting as I always do, "Googly Eyephone go!" AJ snatched it up and put it down his shirt! It stopped when it reached his belt. Then, to make things worse, Bryan said, "Can you get it to come out your pant leg?" AJ did a rather distasteful squirming maneuver and voila out popped my phone from the leg of his pants. Ewwwwwwww.
Travis, who does not normally feature prominently in the insane things that we do, recently taped one of the left over Pop-Its (I believe I explained their existence in the Day That Refused To Quit Being Awesome post) to Bryan's cabinet and started shooting at it with rubber bands. We all thought there was no way he could make it explode, but we were very wrong. It only took him a couple of tries too. All who witnessed this feat were truly impressed.
Story Time: Troll Judging
Not long before I started this blog I was engaged in an activity that was ridiculous even for me. It was called Troll Judging. I happened upon this fantastic notion on CNN's website. In an article about an extremely white Jewish woman leaving a television show, one of the first comments was "This is totally racist! They're only firing her because she's black!" And yes, the article had included a picture of the actress.
A string of angry comments such as "Moron!" "She's Jewish, idiot!" and the like ensued. The very last comment in the string was from the user name Troll Referee: "Nice work, troll. 6 points."
I was in awe. It was the perfect way to finally strike back at the trolls infesting the local paper's website! I created an account for Troll Judge and began issuing points under the following guidelines:
1) Never interact with your trolls. No matter how much you want to add snide remarks or even explain what the points mean, you can only issue points. This is a crucial part of remaining impartial.
2) Points are awarded on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being a perfectly trollish comment.
3) Points are awarded per comment, so an individual can rack up a rather high cumulative score. However, troll points are only for each topic even if a troll is earning points on multiple forum threads. Overzealous trolls were known to get into the triple digits on two or even three separate comment threads.
4) "Feeding the trolls" earns troll points. You need to completely ignore them to avoid earning troll points.
I had good fun doing this, especially when the trolls tried to goad me into replying to their comments. My goal was for someone to say something like, "Oh you're calling me a troll? We'll just see who the Troll Judge says is the bigger troll, you troll!"
Then one day it happened. An article about a hillybilly type crime in Bremerton (which is what a lot of the trolls get into arguments over) and the very first comment was: "Troll Judge better watch this space!"
I had succeeded in having a reputation the preceded me and after troll judging that article I retired. I still log back in every now and then when an article is so atrociously infested with trolls that the Troll Judge needs to make another appearance, but those instances are few and far between.
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