Minecraft Like a Wookie

At Barnes & Noble this morning I overheard what sounded like a kid asking his mom if he could learn Wookie. I thought that I had misheard until he repeated, "Mom, can you teach me to speak Wookie?" I tried (unsuccessfully) not to laugh as they walked past me and the kid said, "How AWESOME would it be if I could speak Wookie?!"

Yes, that is Minecraft Jesus riding a pig with a diamond sword in his hand.

Malo has been trying to get me to play Minecraft for some time and I have finally acquiesced to his request. First, I built an island where there was only ocean. Then there was my castle followed by a green house (both also on man-made islands). At that point I decided it was time for something a little more legendary:

I built a dragon that I lived inside of. This was fine, for a while. Then I had the AMAZING idea to build a coliseum where we could ride pigs. So I did. Malo took the screenshot of Minecraft Jesus riding the pigs while we were testing it out. Some people say you can't "beat" or "win" Minecraft, but to those people I say that I must respectfully disagree. Jesus riding a pig is the very definition of winning for any game!


Yesterday was my birthday so my parents took my to Xinh's in Shelton, which is my favorite restaurant. If you like seafood you must go. In fact, stop reading and go now. Go on, get!

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Now that you're back from your drive to Shelton, I can tell you about the conversation I had with my parents there. Several people have told me that my life should be or perhaps already is some kind of hilarious sitcom. While talking to my parents about this I told them  I agreed because on both sides of the family there have been surprise, previously secret, family members added to our "cast" over the years. For example, my grandfather was married before he went to fight in WWII and had a kid, but when he came back they got divorced. We found out about my dad's Other Brother Jim about 10 years ago. My mom replied that I definitely had no secret siblings. My reply, and I'm not making this up, was this:

"Oh sure, you say that now! We'll see what you say during Sweeps in May! I'm sure you're just waiting for the season finale or something!"

I am utterly preposterous.


Hobby Hoedown: I completed my Video Game Bucket List Challenge to beat Super Mario Bros 2. No more Video Game Challenges for a while.


Story Time: The Neighbors' Housewarming Story

For a long time my parents lived on this little dirt road and our only neighbor was this old man and his wife who had gone to high school with my grandfather. We lived the white trash dream. Our dog ran around everywhere. I wandered the nearby woods with my machete in hand. We burned everything we could get our hands on. Then, for some ungodly reason, people started buying the lots next to us. I remember very clearly the day one of the first new neighbors moved in.

I was wearing my white trash uniform: dirty (formerly) white tennis shoes, paint stained shorts, and a Hard Rock Cafe tank top that was 3 sizes too big for my scrawny high school body. I was in the front lawn breaking up a desk using a maul (a sledgehammer with an axe on one end of the hammer). Several very nice cars drove past and everyone of them slowed down to stare, terrified, at me as I continued to destroy this desk. They all quickly parked across the street and all but ran into the house. They stayed for a while, during which time I finished breaking the desk down into manageable pieces.

They were all just leaving when I had gotten the fire ignited and had a roaring blaze steadily consuming the broken desk. Gravel flew in every direction as they peeled out trying to escape. It was glorious.

Many people ask me why I was burning a desk that afternoon. When they ask this I can only shrug and tell them that was just our way. That, and we really enjoyed burning that crap.